cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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