I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
