i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
