i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
