i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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