Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
