i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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