Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
