nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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