There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
