AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize