I think I just saw someone hide a body.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
