i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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