I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
