I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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