yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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