Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize