If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
