I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
