i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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