were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
