There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
