Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize