if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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