If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
