To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
