That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
