I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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