just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
