Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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