i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
