apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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