Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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