Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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