I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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