i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
