Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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