It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just had sex on a roof
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
