eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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