Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Found your dick twin last night
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
