I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
