no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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