just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
