just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
