His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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