You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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