why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
two words: eviction party
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
