Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
