every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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