But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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