Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
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My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
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Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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