At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
