Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize