can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you are never too drunk for berry picking
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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