you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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