so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
