I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
