I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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