I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
