I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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