im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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