tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
smell my finger.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
